I had to stop myself the other day when the boss coughed near me and I started to respond with, "Oh goodness! Are you okay?" There are just some things you can say to a toddler that you shouldn't say to an adult.

Here's a quick five things you probably shouldn't say to an adult, that you probably do say to your toddler. There's a lot more than that, but this is a good place to start.

  • 1

    Did you wipe?

    When an adult walks out of a restroom, you never think to ask that person if they thought to wipe themselves. We take it for granted that people with five o' clock shadows know how to operate some 2 ply. However, when it comes to toddlers, you must always check that the tiny humans went the distance and didn't cut the job short.

     

  • 2

    I'm so proud of you!

    This is another restroom faux pas that we don't think twice about saying to our tiny humans. When a small child successfully navigates the ins-and-outs of using the restroom we congratulate them on their knowledge of flushing, wiping, and pulling their own pants up. If you knock on the stall next to you and tell that person you're proud of them, I suspect everyone's day is going to be ruined.

    This also goes beyond the restroom. Toddlers get praised for getting the little things right. As an adult, if you start getting the little things wrong, they'll put you in a home.

  • 3

    How old are you? Oh my, you're growing up so fast!

    Yeah, try this one at the next "over the hill" birthday party you attend. Ask the birthday girl or guy how old they are and wait for them to get it right. Then, tell them how grown up they're getting. Promptly duck as I'm sure there will be a knuckle sandwich heading your way. Toddlers love hearing how old they're getting. Adults are trying to find ways to forget.

  • 4

    You're getting so big!

    For a toddler, this means that the child is no longer a baby and is taking on the form of a functional (somewhat) human being. For an adult, this means you should skip the chocolate cake and learn how to love salad.

  • 5

    Oh goodness!

    When a child has a coughing fit, we say "oh goodness," and ask them if they're okay. If a child sneezes, we sometimes say "oh goodness," or a combination of "goodness" and "bless you." It is said in a sing-song tone of voice, full of tenderness and care. If you do this to an adult you're a condescending prick that talks down to those around you, and you probably don't have many close friends.